The Ego, can be very tricky and misleading... Now of course I'm talking about the Ego in the sense of the "false self", the self-created-Self based on attachment to forms of identity. The shadow self that feeds off the energy of approval and control for illusions of safety. (This session in the OMnium library is highly recommended! - click here: CLASS) I'm not adressing the necessary Ego aspect we need to be able to simply function as human beings on the earth.
I had such an important conversation with a client the other day, uncovering the clever tricks of the Ego. It was confronting yet liberating, and so I believe it's worth sharing...
"I don't want to be the dark, I want to be light. I don't want to have shadows, only to be divine"
Who or what is resisting the dark side? The dark side in this case, being called the Ego as something to be conquered... and the light side being called the ultimately desired state of Being.
Who or what does not want Ego? Does not want the shadow?
Ah. How interesting... to discover it is the Ego it's self.
The Ego fighting against the very concept of Ego, and the Ego feeding of the image of the Divine light.
All of it... Ego. All of it... attachment to identity, either wanted or unwanted. All of it... entanglement.
What a fascinating construct. What a clever trick of distraction. What a genius plan to keep humanity preoccupied with endless loops, and therefore, never truly be free. There it was crystal clear...the Next Level of Ego... the Spiritual Ego.
There is no point now to judge nor condemn. Not others or yourself. Simply to (self)observe, with awareness and curiosity, how this multi-layered construct is put together and maintained.
So... which path leads to liberation from it all?
Perhaps it's a different journey for each of us...? But I believe it begins with recognizing the game, the whole construct, and deciding... Game Over!
That decision may not result in the permanent ending of it all immediately. It may not be the answer to instant liberation... but it will be the first step of many that will bring us closer to Home within ourselves. That will bring inner peace, and a deeper inner-standing of who we really are and what truly matters. Not by knowing it only in the mind, but deeply feeling it, being it, embodying it...
For me it has become the love for my personal and direct connection to God/Divine Creator/Source, that keeps me humble and aware, or at least reminds me to be.
You can tell when the Ego constructs are active when defense mechanisms come up. Who or what are we protecting or trying to uphold?
Defense and explaining used to be my main shadow. A friend of mine used to respond saying "why are you getting defensive? There is nothing to defend" and it used to drive me crazy!! Because I wanted to explain, and make clear, or settle a score, or be right, or prove I'm not an idiot, prove my worth. It was really hard to crack that one!
I still do it at times, but less & not so automatically, because it went from unconscious behaviour to conscious. There is now often a delay in my response, (and sometimes I decide to be defensive anyway depending on my mood haha) and I am aware of what is going on in my inner world. I can mostly see through it and move through it quickly, without getting stuck in it, at least not for long.
What a wonderful difference this makes in Life!
During the conversation another clever trick arose... The Ego may reach the conclusion that being in acceptance of the shadow will do the trick to get rid of it faster... become pure divine light faster... Other ideas come up, all with the goal of in the end having that sweet victory!
However, some people have shared with me, that even the methods and techniques used during attempts to work through shadows and transform them, seemed to be loaded with some kind of resistance!
Here is my perspective on why that is...
Because the true reason beneath it, is not acceptance, and still not love.
"But I don't want to love my shadow! I want to get rid of it!"
There it is again. The judgment of what is acceptable to be loved and what is not. The endless battle continues...
To be clear, it is not about you loving that you manipulate others for self-gain. Loving that you tell many lies. Loving that you behave in a passive aggressive way. Loving that you act out of jealously. Or whatever parts of you there are that you may call your dark side.
It's about not running or hiding from those parts of you, or denying it or hating it... but being willing to look at it closely and find out what it is REALLY all about!
To do this, you have to be able to detatch from it as an identity of Self, and dive deep into the core of it. To do that, there needs to be an element of compassion. Curiosity. Even the ability to laugh at ourselves and own up for our behaviour, knowing it was never an expression from our True Essence in the first place.
When the improving and fixing of one's self is coming from the perspective of, "but I don't like this and I want to be something else", that judgement will only keep us stuck longer.
Wanting to improve or better ourselves can be a very natural desire to expand and grow and reach new levels! But trust that this will happen naturally when it is no longer a forceful mission, and you don't loose yourself completely in the realms of duality, mixing up all kinds of definitions into the purity of who you really are.
So... Just take a deep breath... Relax into this very moment... And allow whatever happens next after reading this, to lead you to wherever you are meant to be.
Love, Kaiyann Isa
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